A struggle for meaning beyond the dollar

     I just watched  movie titled "Kiki's Delivery Service" from Studio Ghibli. Disney has been releasing Studio Ghibli films in recent years, which are the genius and legacy of director Hayao Miyazaki, producer Isao Takahata, and the Studio itself.
     At a point in the movie, the main character becomes discouraged and begins to lose her abilities. About that time a friend drops by (who happens to be an artist) and invites her to her place to get away for a break. It is a rare moment where the two talk about discouragement and apparent failure, one where the dialogue digs very deep into real problems we all feel at one time or another. The answer is to give it time, to not give up, and to search for ones inspiration.
Finding purpose.
     I have always been a creative person. At times inventing, designing, or some times just meditating over life. In my younger years I was always supported by family and friends in my art, and I was very driven to learn and produce work. A lot of my work was a way to help me work through life's troubles. As I grew older I boldly marched towards a focused education and direction. I must admit however that I did not place a very high priority on money. Now that I am in my thirties and feel like I have missed the last 5 years of my life... to fast paced events and all that has been my experience...  my art has procured a monetary benefit, but very meager. A lot of "here and there" art jobs have come my way, as well as more than a bushel full of "dangling carrots" that disenchant the stoutest artists heart. I've faced some "artistic identity crisis" as well. Ones where as an illustrator, I was being pushed in a graphic design direction with little desire to be.
     Artists seem to be one of the most odd and essentially strange people when it comes to value, or at least I find it to be so. I care little for the value of money, and have rarely decided to create with money in mind. My inspiration and motivation has always been Imagination, Storytelling, and Design, (not to be mistaken with Graphic Design by the way). SO, it is quickly apparent that as a husband and father who is an artist I meet with a dilemma that is deeply painful.
     I have many colleagues, friends, fellow artists, who work in their field of artistic choice and make a living doing so. Some are cover illustrators, children's book illustrators, graphic designers, web designers, photographers, fine artists, sculptors, and teachers. Some work for companies, others like myself chose to start a freelance business of our own.
     I also have many friends who have followed other paths because art didn't cut it. Some are happy just to keep going, others are not only struggling financially, but also emotionally and spiritually. I say spiritually because to an artist, art is a spiritual thing. I find myself Vibrating between the two.
     I am desperately holding on to my art career and my masters degree. Some of that desperation is from seeds I planted long ago, some from more recent years as I gained more guts and confidence to make the difficult choices, and others are from the heart and spirit of family and friends. It is so easy for me to be swayed and influenced. I am fortunate to have loving friends and family. Although I wonder at their tenacity to be so when I am a certifiable cave troll most of the time!
     It is refreshing to watch a movie that addresses the reality of difficult times, stemming from both a financial and a spiritual source. Another thought akin to Kiki's Delivery Service's "moment" I described above is from the Dreamworks title "Kung Fu Panda" where the main character figures out that along the path of life towards ones destiny, that "...there is no secret ingredient. To make something special, you just have to believe it's special....It's just you."
     I want to add to this two more things. Personally, I believe life is in too big of a hurry! Panic and disaster management are too often the results. Next is life is far too busy and crowded. We title ourselves with ever higher levels of "overwhelmed" and hope for some kind of fulfilling result. Too much is trying to go down the pipes, and all far too fast. The result is like an unseen pressure cooker, or a hidden bottleneck people would try to force things through....in the end people do one of two things: either they completely EXPLODE, or completely DEFLATE.
     Now that I feel like I am rambling on more than really accomplishing something, and feeling really tired at the same time, I have two wishes. 1 is to simply continue plowing the field before me and finish my current commissions and fulfill what I have committed myself to. 2 is to simplify what I have in my life and to search out other solutions from other people. (Adding also to not to take offense any longer to past "suggestions" from people. I have in the recent past allowed suggestions from people turn into serious poisons to my soul. And I blame both of us for not seeing what was really going on.)
     Hope rests in Hard Work, Holding the course, and Finding Faith. Valuing Life is paramount, with the willingness to believe in ourselves. Positive planning and thinking. Time with loved ones, and letting them know how much you love them is also key. And now I am going to go and rest my tired eyes. Oh, and remember that my old site is up at: brushdragon.com/old-site/
Have a wonderful start of your year! Thank you.