Adrift

Much like a story of a man adrift at sea, I imagine about what my problem is. Whether I believe each vision I have is a mirage, or whether I am in disbelief, I still can't muster up the resolve I used to have. And you can only ask yourself for so long if you are burned out and completely exhausted.....and THAT burns you out and exhausts you, making for a quite negative self fulfilling state. Adrift I may or may not be, but the concept expresses a "wasting away" of the soul.

There are many distractions in life. So many things we want to be, so many things we want to do, and too often we sacrifice poorly. And there are haunts. Why is it that the sadness of the past is always so loud? The disappointment of what we wish we had become, what we wish we had done ought to shy away from the Light of today. So how is it that potential gets its legs knocked out from underneath? By consequence? It is true that we reap what we sow. In that crucial moment where we are still.....being patient with ourselves and honestly asking ourselves where we would like to go, do we hear that still and small voice that is so often drowned out by the loud haunts? Do we hear what long ago gave us strength, insight, and that feeling of purpose?

I have very good friends, a fiercely loyal wife, and a mother with unfailingly positive outlooks. I have loving children who rush to hug me and with joy say "daddy!" It is a shame that I am such a bump on a log. I have met with defeats from within and from without. And I believe my greatest mistakes have been feeding them if you understand what I mean. Such dark gloomy corners. Places of fear and confusion. The heart and mind lock in on anger and despair. Life appears complicated, overwhelming, impossible, and worth the effort but painfully far out of reach.

"Simplify" I have been telling myself lately. Like the last man in a race.....just finish the race! Direction, not speed becomes the key. Unless you realize the direction is wrong, lol, then run! Well, choose a good direction first perhaps, not another wrong one.

Well, to finish up in a strange way, may I refer to a favorite film? It is a specific snippet of the film, titled "Better Off Dead". A young high school man gets dumped by his girlfriend, yet through his teenage "trail" he meets the neighbor girl who is a foreign exchange student. There is a part of the film where his father gets after him for a car (awesome Camaro) he purchased that has sat on the front lawn all summer in a "auto cocoon". After getting to know the girl next door and becoming good friends, she takes the initiative and begins to fix his car. 80's films, gotta love em'. As she gets it to start, totally astonishing the young man, she makes a comment while they go through the process of resurrecting his car. She says: "I think all you need is a small taste of success and you will find it suits you." Take care everyone. Get out of your gloomy corners. There's light outside. I'm working on it too. Oh, and here, I found the youtube link to the actual movie scene.